I refused to let Amy’s untimely death at 27 go unnoticed on The Boobs. Fuck everyone and their hating ass “she had it coming” “what a waste of talent” comments. Yes, Amy Winehouse battled with a MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR drug addiction, but really so do most of your favorite musicians, hell even most of your damn friends. The only difference is that she truly had a great talent and that talent will be missed. Amy to me was like our generations Billie Holiday (who also died of drugs may I add) a tortured, heartbroken soul sharing her deepest anguish, and writing songs that lyrically encompassed every single emotion i’ve ever felt during some of my shittiest break ups. So it goes without saying, Rest in Power Amy! you fought the good fight and now you’ll never have to suffer again. Now go haunt BLAAAAAKE! xoxo
Today class we’re gonna learn something awesome: FISTING! For those of you sweet innocents that aren’t into sexual perversion, fisting is basically what lesbians, gays, and porn stars do to each other for shits and giggles. I don’t really know any “normal” people who does this for fun but I guess now you’re gonna learn.
Don’t ask me what happens during a fisting session because I couldn’t tell you. I mean I’ve never been fisted in either vagina nor butthole. However, I have birthed a baby and that’s like, a head some legs, arms, all sorts of weird shit, which in reality is way more hardcore and disgusting than an elbow but I digress. The feeling of fisting has been described as “sticking your hand into a warm glove filled with jelly”.
Can we all just say ewwl? Really guys, why? Why the fist of fury?
Is there fists etiquette?
How stretched out does ones booty hole or giney hole need to be?
What do you feel in someone’s butthole when you’re elbows deep in it?
Can you feel their intestines?
Is it like an Itchy & Skratchy cartoon where if you were to yank your hand out all of their entrails would fall out too?
Are there serious medical concerns you should have after you’re fisted? Do you need to be licensed in CPR?
I mean so many questions and very little answers. I decided to hit the tweets by asking random Porn Stars,but they took too long to reply. So I decided to take matters in my own hands by googling “fisting 101″ and “How to fist” and according to the internet this is what you need.
You will need: -A Victim (preferably consenting)
-LOTS OF LUBE. I’m talking GALLONS even.
-Latex gloves
-An enema
-A nail file
-Butt toys ( anal)
- Patience
What can you say about GlossyLoca? She’s the other more sassy half of TheBoobs, she always has a thing or two to say about Maury and loves Richard Ramirez. I’ve known these things about her for quite some time but ever since I’ve started my mommy tumblr, I noticed a lot of anonymous folks hitting me up about her. She has quite the following on twitter and she definitely doesn’t disappoint with her daily rants and raves. I decided that it was time to let her address any questions you guys may have because it was becoming a daily occurrence in my ask box. Not too long ago, we opened up the questions and I sent them over to her. Here are some of the answers and if you have any more, please feel free to send them to us at Theboobsblog@gmail.com.
Glossy loca why don’t you associate with physically ugly people?
Luck.
why did glossy move to seattle?
Clown College.
How tall are you? how much do you weigh? pants size/ bra size?
I’m 5’4, I don’t own a scale, I don’t wear pants, 36 C.
why don’t you move back to la? you seem so homesick.
I am homesick, but LA will always be there waiting for me. A plane ticket would be nice though…
Why don’t you like Kreayshawn considering she follows you and RT’s?
What’s not to like about Kreayshawn? I am aware that she follows me, which is cool. Her tweets are beyond complex, they read like poetry, and they really allow us outsiders to delve deep into the realms of her brain and her intense thought process for song writing. I really look forward to hearing more tracks that sound just like her hit “BUMPIN’ BUMPIN’”
Describe your dream man, in looks and personality:
My dream man would have the brain of Stephen Hawking, The hair of Hitler, the voice of Morrissey all rolled into Travis Barker’s body.
What’s the real reason you moved to Seattle? I know it can’t be just about school.
- you’re right, no one could ever possibly just want to go to school.
Who is your baby’s dad? How’d you meet him? And are you still together?
You wouldn’t know him. We met on the 25th floor of an apartment in Vancouver, Canada. We are co-parents, and he is a #1 Dad.
Why are you so damn fine?
I don’t know, but thanks..
How do you feel about interracial marriages or relationships in general?
They’re cool, they often produce really cute kids too.
Do you have black or Latina color pussy?
Use your imagination.
Having moved from San Francisco back to the Southern California area I have rediscovered my love for so many of the things I thought I hated before moving away five years ago. Recently, while strolling through the Santa Fe Springs Swap Meet chowing down on my bacon-wrapped excuse for a hot dog and shouldering black trash bags filled with the tackiest of goods, the familiar sounds of my favorite melancholy Irish-born Englishman sweetly drifted into my ears. The familiar sounds of Moz, the man, our people’s idol, filled the air. Suddenly remembering that the lovely ladies managing TheBoobsLA happen to adore the Smiths, and that the site has a heavy L.A. reader base, I decided a story was in order.
Being half-Mexican and loving Morrissey in his solo form as well as his Smiths music, also remembering that both Desboobs and Glossy are of Mexican descent, I figured the assumption that Mexicans, and most Hispanics alike, maintaining a mysteriously serious devotion to the British crooner and his band of lonely hearts is not such a far-fetched notion. Maybe it’s the idea that Mexicans can enjoy music that doesn’t feature a tuba, accordion, or funny hat that confuses people. Regardless, The Smiths, Morrissey and his music have managed to stand the test of time and so have his Hispanic fans, but what’s the deal?
Ask any one of us and you’ll find out that we probably grew up to the sounds of one if not all of the following in various forms: 1980’s New Wave, oldies but goodies (your various slow jams), some Rockabilly, and Elvis Presley (for good measure). But upon further exploration (attempting to ask every Mexican I knew their thoughts on the subject), Morrissey and The Smiths stand as an uncommon hero to many Latinos. Coming to the conclusion that Morrissey and his music with the Smiths played a significant role in the youth of many Latino kids growing up in Southern California because of what he inadvertently represented to them. These kids have become the exact modern embodiment of the disaffected youth Morrissey and the Smiths wanted to reach with their music.
Despite there being no established reason for this Mexican/Morrissey parallel, it is certainly worth exploring. The music of the Smiths preaches an ‘Outsiders’ Manifesto’; almost everything the Smiths did went against contemporary pop culture and parallels that of the Rockabilly and 50’s greaser lifestyle adopted by many Los Angeles and Orange County Chicanos. The Smith’s aversion to the traditional fixtures of commercial pop success in the music world seems to continually resonate with the generally working class, flannel shirt, dark denim jean wearing, pompadour sporting identity lots of Mexican, and Hispanic, men adhere to. The name ‘The Smiths’ speaks of listless suburbs and anonymity. But in a culture dominated by throwaway ideas and here-today-gone-tomorrow-stars (much like today’s society) the suffix “smith,” as in blacksmith, seems to hint at the workmanship, durability and imaginative perfection of the band’s product. Instead of singing about intelligent robots and computers, fast cars and sex like many of their peers at the time, the Smiths wrote songs about abused children, being killed by 10-ton trucks and painful, heart-wrenching love. Similar to Mexican Ranchera music, Morrissey’s lyrics rely on ambiguity, powerful imagery and metaphors to convey serious emotions. Thematically, the idealization of a simpler life and a rejection of all things bourgeois come from a populist impulse also common to Ranchera music. Another theory is that it could be that growing up Irish in Northern England is not that much different than growing up Mexican in Southern California. Or maybe it’s because Chicanos have deep-seeded melancholy feelings of belonging that derive from being disconnected to either the U.S. or Mexico, living in a space of in-between, or maintaining an insecurity about where we belong, etc., much like the lyrics of many of Morrissey’s songs that deal with identity crisis and figuring out your place in this world. Either way, it is from his immigrant background that we can draw similarities between his music and the real-life Mexican/Latino immigrant experience that is still relevant today.
To wrap, the lower-class British dandy is considered a kindred spirit to many. Morrissey’s ultra-emotional singing style, coupled with his look — particularly his pompadour hairdo — is very much in keeping with Mexican pop singing. But Mexican pop stars don’t have the special edge of melancholy regret and worldly-wise ennui that drives his L.A. Latino fan base crazy. Tough-as-nails cholos have been known to break down sobbing at Moz concerts to this day, and that’s something worth taking notice of. His comparable experience with alienation and disenfranchisement are the unifying themes of his music that allow him to relate to such a large and different group of people. Morrissey sings to the disaffected, and since alienation is apart of the assimilation tradition, the equal and opposite reaction of the immigrants drive to blend in can be felt in his music-when we ache, Morrissey soothes.
I’m sure if you’re a reader of TheBoobs, you’re already aware of our love affair with Bad Girls Club. We’ve been avid fans since the first season and know that if we were to ever make it up to the overly used “mansion” in the Hollywood hills they call home, we would probably outLA the Natalie Nunn’s and clank pots and pans with alum Tanisha. It’s just something to check off our bucket list. Now the show has always produced the most random girls to grace the oxygen network, and this last season was such a piece of work. I think they really tried to reproduce some legitimate bad girl action but fell slightly short. Lucky for them, this past seasons cast changed so fucking much that eventually a real bad girl would grace their presence. Cue in Wilma. You may remember her from peeing on the bed or from kicking out a fellow NJer within 2 days. Regardless, she came in and did not mess around. She showed the world that she was just trying to really have fun and if you got in her way, she was going to throw blows, TITTIES OUT! Every time the steroid vagina Nikki started in on her charade, Wilma was there to set her straight.. and eventually, yes it got her kicked out. At least she went out swinging, and for that TheBoobs has love for ya girl. I was lucking put in touch with Ms What’s a Wilmarie, and she set a few things straight for us.. LIKE WHY DIDN’T YOU BEAT CHARS FACE IN? Wang on.
So how was your overall experience on the show?
Man the experience was great I loved every minute.. kinda miss it hahah. It’s sick to say cause you go thru hell throughout the whole process but then when it’s gone your like man I want that back. It’s kinda when you get your period your boobs get a cup bigger you hate the whole bleeding thru the vajayjay and dealing with cramps but you’re loving those big all boobies. Then period is gone n boobs have deflated hahah so your waiting for that time of the month for those C cups.
